Releasing unhelpful patterns
I focus on helping you heal the key schema that limit the experience of deep joy, connection and wellbeing. I have summarised these into four key areas of support. The four healing pathways include Emotional Validation & Expression; Reciprocity in Relationships; Self-trust & Alignment; and Fun, Delight, Pleasure and Other Purposeless Adventures. Read through each area to help you decide whether or not to reach out for further support.
Self-sacrifice & Subjugation
Reciprocity in Relationships: Willingness to ask and allow to be nurtured, helped, & energised by others so that you feel deeply connected to and cared for by the important people in your life.
These schemas involve prioritising the needs of others over one's own needs, often to your own detriment. The self-sacrifice schema is characterised by saying "yes" to requests even when you don't have the time, energy, or resources to fulfill them and neglecting your own needs for rest, relaxation, or self-care in order to take care of others. People with the self-sacrifice schema tend to feel guilty, a lot. They tend to feel like they will be a burden to others if they ask for help and want to protect others from suffering or negative emotions.
People with the subjugation schema tend to feel fear rather than guilt when they prioritise their own needs over others' needs. They are afraid that they will make others angry, cannot tolerate disappointing others, or fear abandonment. They passively go along with others' plans and struggle to make decisions or take action without seeking approval or permission from others. They find it difficult to voice their concerns in relationships and assert their boundaries instead choosing to stay in unhappy situations by "swallowing their thoughts and feelings" or leave situations rather than risk potential abandonment by speaking up.
People with these two schemas can suppress their own needs for so long that by the time they come to see me they find it hard to even know what their needs are in a situation. They tend to avoid conflict or confrontation, even when doing so comes at a cost to themselves. They struggle to ask for help or support when they need it and overextend themselves in relationships, to the point of becoming exhausted or burnt out. These schema lead to an excess of built-up emotions like resentment, anger, sadness, and hopelessness.
Healing these schemas creates an internal freedom that you can currently only imagine. Choices start to come from your heart and soul rather than from obligation, fear, guilt, and a sense of responsibility for others wellbeing. Your cup not only becomes full, but overflows with joy, connection, warmth and gratitude. You now truly have more to give-not by depleting yourself but by fufulilling yourself.
Presenting Schema: Unrelenting Standards
Fun, Delight, Pleasure and Other Purposeless adventures: Commitment to an enriched life so that you experience a joyous adventure alongside a list of fulfilling achievements.
The Unrelenting Standards schema is characterised by holding excessively high standards and expectations for oneself and others and believing that one must meet these standards in order to be "good enough" or successful. People with this schema tend to be overly focused on productivity and efficiency at the expense of relationships, self-care and plain old-fashioned fun. Life is guided by "shoulds" and "have-to" rather than trust and priorities. They tend to be overly critical or harsh with themselves, never quite feeling good enough, and feel guilty or ashamed when they don't meet their own or others' expectations and goals. They struggle to delegate tasks or ask for help, feeling that they must do everything themselves to ensure it is done correctly and can avoid taking risks or trying new things for fear of failure or falling short of their own or others' expectations. Everything they do has a shade of urgency or pressure to it, even when there is no external deadline or requirement.
Healing this schema creates a more balanced life both for oneself and for those around you. Your health and wellbeing improve as you are able to prioritise relationships and self-care. Life becomes joyful, playful and buoyant. No more waiting for some future day when... Finally, you can enjoy your life now, as you allow yourself to bathe in the pleasure, beauty and delight that each moment can offer.
If. You. Dare.
Get some quick tips for improving your work life balance in a post I wrote a long time ago for Yahoo! Lifestyle.
Approval seeking-recognition seeking
Self-trust and Alignment:
Willingness to deepen trust and act from your inner knowing and wisdom in order to live with authenticity and alignment.
The Approval Seeking-Recognition Seeking schema is characterised by thoughts, feelings, and actions that are strongly influenced by the need to gain approval and acceptance from others. People with this schema tend to feel a constant underlying desire to please others and fear rejection, criticism or disapproval from others. They adapt their thoughts, opinions and actions to fit in and be accepted by whoever is around them at the time. They have difficulty making decisions or taking action without reassurance or validation from others. Their actions are dominated by the desire to get approval and recognition even when those choices don't align with their needs and values.
As a result, people with this schema tend to experience anxiety or stress related to social situations or interactions. They feel a sense of emptiness or worthlessness when they are not receiving approval or praise from others and ruminate over what they have done wrong following social interactions. They also have difficulty setting boundaries or saying "no" to others and a tendency to take on too much responsibility in order to prove their worth.
Healing this schema brings a strong sense of centredness. It fosters a humble self-contentment, confidence to state one's opinions, choices and way of being even when different to those around them. You become more aligned with your values and priorities, and a sense of authenticity and integrity grows from within.
Read more about this topic in a post I wrote for Tiny Buddha.
Emotional Deprivation & Emotional Inhibition
Emotional Validation and Expression;
Ability to identify, trust and manage the experience and expression of your emotions so that you feel heard, seen and understood.
People with these two schemas struggle to identify and express their own emotions. They may have a tendency to suppress, dismiss or avoid emotions out of fear of being overwhelmed, fear of being criticised or judged by others, or fear of losing control. They may feel emptiness or loneliness despite the relationships in their life because they struggle to share their inner vulnerabilities and emotional world. Common thoughts include "no-one truly understands me". They may have difficulty expressing emotions, even in appropriate situations and may tend to feel disconnected or numb to emotions. People with these schemas may have a tendency to intellectualize, rationalize or overanalyse emotions rather than experiencing them. They can be prone to anxiety, stress or depression because they do not process their emotions well.
Healing these schema opens you to a deeper emotional connection with others and with each moment. Confidence grows in your ability to manage difficult emotions like anxiety, sadness, anger and grief. In turn you are free to experience more positive emotions like joy, connection, appreciation, and love. You start to feel truly nourished and fulfilled as each experience in life is felt more fully and you become able to receive the deep emotional connection with others that you have been craving.
Whether you resonate with one of these areas or four, we may have a good fit. Contact me below to explore further.
First Step: Enquire about suitability
Please complete your details below or contact us to organise a time discuss your needs with Sacha. We will organise a free 15 minute phone call to assess suitability for our services.